Ah, religious nuttery.
Our example today is Ave Maria, Florida and the efforts of the people behind it to let everyone know that — really! — not just Catholics can live there. Even though they’re going to make it really, really obvious that non-Catholics aren’t welcome:
NAPLES, Fla. - No, of course not, Ave Maria is not a Roman Catholic town, its builders say. Why would you think such a thing?
Yes, the streets have names like Annunciation Circle and John Paul II Boulevard. The town is laid out to catch the sunrise at a certain angle each March 25, the day Catholics celebrate the Feast of Annunciation. And the Catholic university whose towering 10-story church dominates the landscape bans condoms and warns that premarital sex can be grounds for expulsion.
But Ave Maria is open to everyone, said Blake Gable, project manager for the Barron Collier Cos., which is building the new town in partnership with Domino’s Pizza founder Thomas Monaghan, an ardent Catholic.
Yeah, that Tom Monaghan. Funder of Operation Rescue and maker of crappy pizza.
Monaghan’s had to pull back a bit from his original vision for the town:
The builders of Ave Maria, whose name is Latin for Hail Mary, have been struggling to get the message out that anyone can live here ever since Monaghan’s headline-grabbing comments in 2005, when the site was still just a sod farm. Monaghan told a Catholic group at the time that the town would be governed by Roman Catholic principles. He said stores wouldn’t carry contraceptives or pornography, and cable TV would have no adult channels.
In response, a Wall Street Journal opinion column quoted a critic of Ave Maria as calling it a “Catholic Jonestown.” The American Civil Liberties Union of Florida threatened to sue. Critics called it un-American. And Monaghan backed off.
Guy has a law school at his disposal — he opened up Ave Maria Law School in Ann Arbor in 2000 (though the city wouldn’t give him a zoning variance to build the university) — and nobody can tell him that housing discrimination is kind of, um, illegal?
Monaghan now says that Ave Maria University, the school he is also bankrolling, will follow strict Catholic guidelines, but the town will be largely allowed to grow uninhibited — except for no adult novelty stores or topless clubs. The developers say they will merely suggest that merchants not sell contraceptives or porn, and cable TV offerings will not be restricted.
Even with that, Monaghan seems disappointed. If he had his way, Ave Maria would be God’s town.
Something tells me God wouldn’t enjoy having this ugly-ass church in the middle of his town:
And this quote by Monaghan is priceless:
“I thought we owned the real estate, so we can lease to whoever we want and put things in the contract, but there are laws and there were lawsuits out there,” Monaghan said.
Just because you own the land doesn’t mean you get to do whatever you want with it, pumpkin. And it certainly doesn’t mean you can use restrictive covenants to control the lives of the people who buy or lease property from you. Were you planning on requiring church attendance? And how, exactly, were you going to enforce the no-naughty-TV thing? Start your own cable monopoly? Jam everyone’s satellite signals?
It never ceases to amaze me that fundamentalist religious sorts feel that the way to greater faith is simply outlawing or forbidding things that are problematic for them. Instead of, oh, teaching people how to deal with the things they’re likely to encounter in the world. Or coming up with a better reason not to do something other than, “You’ll go to hell.” But that’s me.
Business doesn’t seem to be exactly brisk, with only 250 homes out of a projected 11,000 sold. People who think that more rules and restrictions are just the ticket for restoring and enforcing morality and saving American civilization often don’t want to subject themselves to those rules and restrictions — after all, they’re *already* moral! Kinda like how covenant marriages aren’t exactly catching fire despite all the howling and moaning about the gays destroying marriage and slutty women destroying marriage and wives need to submit and all that.
So it looks like to me that the Ave Maria people are reluctantly publicizing their willingness to allow non-Catholics (even gays!) into town in order to boost sales. Though you really have to wonder how many units they’re going to sell with a pitch like this:
As for whether Jews or others might be uncomfortable living in a town called Ave Maria, he said: “Do people who live in San Francisco feel offended? San Antonio?”
One thing that never fails to amaze me is how, when someone suggests ordering Domino’s Pizza, and I explain that I don’t order from there because I don’t want to support Monaghan, they’re quick to explain that he’s given up control of the company–like he just walked away without any sort of golden parachute continued-cut-of-the-profits deal. But more than that, I’m amazed that people are so eager to defend an order of some of the nastiest tasting pizza I’ve ever experienced.
Honestly. Couldn’t he invest some of this money into making a better pizza?
I would buy a house there. They’ll be going for dirt cheap soon what with no one buying. And anyhow its more fun to sin when the rules are stricter. Makes it that much more exciting.
I would buy a house there. They’ll be going for dirt cheap soon what with no one buying.
Sure, but you could never unload it again.
And don’t even get me started on how much it offends me that there are multiple Domino’s franchises in Brooklyn. In Brooklyn! We have fantastic pizza here.
Zuzu, by that reasoning, there should be no Domino’s between North Jersey and Boston. The I-95 corridor between the Greater NYC and Boston areas passes through Connecticut and Rhode Island, the two most Italian-American states, and through New Haven, the pizza capital of the universe.
I’m not criticizing; in fact, I wish ethnic groups had intellectual property rights over their cuisine so that Monaghan could not call the shit they serve “pizza” in any market where the real thing was available. I bet the Ct. State Legislature would pass a “pizza non-disparagement law” forbidding the sale of bad pizza.
I’m a little confused - is there an actual incorporation at all, or is it all just being done with restrictive covenant or magical wishing or what?
Actually, there should be no Domino’s between North Jersey and Boston. Domino’s is an abomination unto the sight of the Lord.
When we first moved down here to Virginia Beach, they did one of those “Best in Town” surveys. They voted Dominoes the best pizza. We almost moved out.
FTFY.
MP, I was about to say that there should be no Domino’s between Los Angeles and Leipzig, but I’ll adopt your version.
Seriously, I can see plenty of dispute about pizza (New York style vs. Chicago style vs. California style), but no way Domino’s comes anywhere near that “best of” list, no matter where you are. Domino’s is what you get when you’re providing cheap pizza for people and don’t care that you’re serving them rubber-topped cardboard.
Free enterprise, dude! It’s my land! I can insist that everybody wear modest dress if I want to, because your rights stop at my property boundary!
What do you mean I can’t declare myself God-Emperor?
That’s a Catholic church? Looks more like a shrine to the Star Trek badge. And we all know how Captain Kirk would feel about abstinence.
Looks more like a shrine to the Star Trek badge.
THAT’s what it reminds me of! Thank you!
Oh dammit Quicksand, you’re going to have me quoting Futurama now.
(minister) “And Scotty beamed them to the Klingon ship, where they would be no tribble at all”
(congregation) “All power to the engines!”
That fugly church looks awfully yonic to me. With the circular window as the clitoris?
Dominos is what you get when you want to offend anyone with a modicum of taste or don’t ever want people to suggest that you host a party again. Ever.
Nasty.
I was thinking the same thing Quicksand! I guess it makes sense, though. They just want to be beamed up to heaven.
But more than that, I’m amazed that people are so eager to defend an order of some of the nastiest tasting pizza I’ve ever experienced.
and even if it didn’t taste like greasy salted cardboard, the sausage topping looks like rabbit poop.
The church looks like the Pope’s mitre (hat.) A poor choice of architecture.
Instead of condemning this town, we should celebrate it as an example of severe, aggressive, self-righteous tackiness that only our country can provide. The Brits can inflict violent soccer hooliganism on an opposing team’s fans but only we Yanks can hold up a bunch of John 3:16 signs in the middle of a violent game of gridiron.
Maybe there is a god after all and maybe she loves bloggers and political cartoonists. That’s perhaps why she hasn’t choked the Jesus life-blood out of Tom Monaghan - she wants to see the show continue herself.
When the Atheist Community Center of Ave Maria opens up, they are getting $50.00 from me.
Since you said Yanks and John 3:16, I am reminded of an announcer’s quip at a Yankees game in my youth, when Tommy John was pitching. I am paraphrasing and I’ll get the statistic wrong, but he said something like, “Now there’s a real fan. That is, in fact, Tommy John’s career ERA against left-handed hitters with runners on base.”
“New Haven, the pizza capital of the universe.”
Lol Thomas… are you serious? Connecticut? Some of us aren’t into squash pizza and polo… You need to check out Sam’s in Brooklyn, also I suggest a trip to Rome to expand your horizons
Clearly, you haven’t been to New Haven, or had the pizza there.
Incidentally, there are actual ethnic folks in Connecticut. It’s not Wasp-o-rama.
New Haven pizza can be amazingly good - they take it very seriously.
Actually the church looks like a monument to a stack of salmon steaks–even has the pink flesh. Evidently the architect didn’t like the pizza either. . .
If you liked that, you’ll LOVE these guys.
Hartford, Connecticut… First and Last Tavern in the South End (Italian section). Yummy brick oven pizza.
I understand that Connecticut has the largest Italian-American community proportionate to population of any state in the Union, higher than even New Jersey, as counter-intuitive as that may be.
It’s not counter-intuitive when you realize that the entire state isn’t Greenwich and Darien.